Lately I can hardly function I am so depressed I am like a deflated balloon I am slowly airing out deflating into nothing...
I feel as if I am spinning out of control fluttering about the room with no direction.
I cry all the time lately.
There were a turn of events as of late that "pushed" me over the edge. I don't care to go into detail but its really sucky to be me atm.
I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up.
I don't know what to do.
I have tried counseling...didn't work...
tried so many things....
nothing works...
everything keeps getting worse.
Please pray for me...
next week I go to the dr of which I have been dreading because I either hear GREAT news or DEVASTATING news and this has been the burden of my stresses lately but yes PLEASE keep me in your thoughts next Tues.
Has anyone on here ever overdosed on pills? What happens does it work??? I need options.
I seriously think my body is giving out finally I have been really sick lately too, almost like my body knows I want to give up and pass on because seriously I have no hopes....no dreams anymore...the only three things in my life keeping me going is 1. My dad 2. my bf and 3. my dog...

He's on call to be there
when I need him
His blue eyes look deep into mine
piercing the heart of me
my insides ache
take me now I think or forever
keep me waiting
this eternity of darkness your the light
your my salvation the reedmer of my sickness
this disease
you cure the things that make me ill
your the remedy
take me away from this pain
take me into your arms embrace me
for who I am not this shell you see on the outside
have me have me love me love me
sell your soul

The feelings within has consumed me once again
its darkness engulfing my inner being
free me from this world
free me from myself
the torment the agony I inflict
upon myself
I cannot hide from the thoughts that I feel inside
someone help me I cannot die
I don't want to die
this world is too precious
but the choices I made the desicions they will last till my last breath
the horrible things I did I relive
each and every day this torment I cannot live with
DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND
one in 3 has this disease
why did it have to be ME!
tears run fast down a face thats ashamed living with the guilt of the past mistakes
someone have a gun?
I just want to say fuck it all
My only last and longing prayer is that I can finally live a NORMAL life without the anxiety and fear
to be able to wake up and feel great like nothing is wrong and as if I could turn back the clock
tick tock
time goes by and its still goes on not turning back
the past is done and the mistake won
someone help me I am living hell on earth their has to be a better place after I die oh god please if anything let there be this cant be it
Dear God please help me.

Why does love drive a person?
It drives parents to work hard for their children.
It drives children to work hard for the affections from their parents.
It drives lovers INSANE!
Well love is driving me insane and has from the very day I first fell in love.
If someone could package the sensation of falling in love into a pill I would be an addict.
Is this what drugs feel like?

she ran up to meet him arms open wide then he turned away
she died inside
a tear ran down her cheek
not even a glance from his eye
emptiness filled her heart
these days they were apart felt like an eternity in an empty room
things left unsaid is like a death with no funeral or a song without the chorus its a story without an end
they were the perfect couple now they will remain the tragedy of lovers a tragedy that is a start to a new beginning the past they remember within their hearts.

ATM I have two lovers its complicated and I am torn the both have their pros and CONS one lives with me the other is a younger man and I am absolutly just torn I can't have both although it would be easier if I could lol dammit I always seem to have this problem....oh what to do what to do?

Shivering from the cold
I am so alone
inside this body that is now my prison
I scream from behind the bars
no one has a key to let me be freed
I hate this cell which I am locked into
its a dark place
in which I dwell
into the depths I fell
and cannot crawl back out
the darkness engulfing my being
its the blackness that surrounds
and I am far without help
no one is going to say its going to be alright

Sometimes I feel the only place I know I can be me is me on here...in this world of annonimity.
I am but a few words on your screen you don't really know me. Behind these few words of text leads a life, a person, who lives and breathes.
Things are good in bullyland at the present...
just watched control with my bro tonight the ending was so sad, I mean I knew it was coming but still was sad esp with the song atmosphere playing in the background, its a good death tune.
I felt so sorry for him I spose all the drugs and marriage problems he was having and then to top it off having those seizures didn't help any matters...I think I would have done the same as him. I never really realized how hard it probably was for him to go and sing those utterly depressing private lyrics each night in front of millions of people.
I started watching Mama's boy and I like flipped out during it because there is a part when the main character is walking down the street and he is listening to his headphones and the song playing is Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now!!! I like PHREAKED OUT!!!!!!!!!!!
I think the reason I haven't been down lately is because I just dont have the time to be I am very busy so busy I wish there was more time in the day to get what I needed to get done. I am finally channeling all my creative juices by making cakes at DQ now and I paint alot more and esp am writing in my journal more frequently as well....all that helps, theraputic I guess.
K well bedtime beckons..
Night

into the open fields I ran with not a care nor a plan
for no one told me I couldnt and no one told me I can
tommorow is a new slate
a fresh clean new date
to start a new take all the broken pieces and fix em' with a lil' glue
you'll be surprised what'll happen to you.
BY yours truly:D

I decided today that I died about 5 or 6 years ago. I am not sure who this new person is that has taken the spot of that girl who has passed on...but I am trying to get use to her and to this new body.
I am as depressed as ever and I am sitting in the pool of it wadding, spashing, and soon drowning.
I have been having chest pains latlely I am not sure if I pulled a muscle or if its something more serious...I might go to the dr tommorow. I am not scared if it is anything because this life I am living is a hell that I wouldn't mind escaping. I hate it all. I can't control anything anymore and it scares me silly.
I just don't know what the fuck to do. I can't kill myself for the fear of the next life...I can't change too much because change scares me just as much as not having control. Oh God please help me. Save me from me.