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Thursday April 24, 08
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12:05 PM - Update
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Well, things have gotten a bit better. I still have Internet access and my phone works and I can still watch TV if I want to (which isn't often.) We have a *bundling* thing here- basically my server connects my phone, and TV and Internet. I think it sort of sucks because I'd choose to have my phone (obviously) and just my Internet access. I argued with a woman from SSI and she said that the Internet was a LUXURY. Then I spoke to someone rational and she said that it was ESSENTIAL. I am still not speaking to my half siblings. The only things that are keeping me going are my writing and yes, my cat. I think it's SHAMEFUL that this country does not help disabled people as much as they COULD. (most of you know I am an epileptic.) My friend Misti sent me a "care package" last week and it was appreciated greatly. Also some cool books- one by her husband that was published on www.lulu.com called, "Tales From The Tweak Side" (a loosely based autobio) I am drawing more than writing these days, and I find it's been really calming and helpful. Writing takes so much out of me. Misti gave me a writing exercise and I STILL haven't tackled it. I guess that's it for now. Feel free to comment. I'll answer you honestly and I take no prisoners.
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Friday April 04, 08
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01:12 PM - 15 Miles Of Shit
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Well, things truly suck right now in my life. I'd rather not go into it. If there is a God, I am being tested so harshly it almost makes me want to become an athiest. It's one thing after another. Is blood thicker than water? I don't think so. I have two half siblings from my mother's first marriage and they are doing everything they can to make my parents life hell, and my life hell. I will be strong however, and get through this. I never thought my life would get to the point where I am going to the fucking Salvation Army for food. But I WILL stay in this apartment. If my electricity doesn't get cut off, but I will have no Internet, life will go on and I have plenty of books to read, lots of journals to write in, and I will make it somehow. Pray for me.
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Wednesday April 02, 08
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07:06 PM - FAA
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On CNN right now, they're talking about the FAA and the safety issues on Southwest Airlines, and Delta. Larry would be SO upset right now if he knew his precious Delta was involved in this investigation. I guess I will always associate Delta with Larry. Anyway, I'm in a busy phase, getting my passport in order because in November I am going overseas. I can't wait! I've always wanted to see New Zealand, and it will be summer when I'm there! Of course, I associate November with cold and it'll be summer there. Should be very interesting!
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Sunday March 30, 08
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12:58 PM - "Not The Girl You Think I am"
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You have never even met me. Yet in your words, you wish to dine on my breast. To you, I am the unattainable one, the woman you haven't yet ruined (but would like to) to you I am merely the notch on your endless metaphysical belt that won't ever bite leather no bit will be put in my mouth! I am the golden one that silly goose who will forever alude you. You assume I'm your favorite candy, you know, the ones with the dripping cherry liquor in them. Cordial I am NOT. Be my guest bite down gushing coppery tampon soaked reality coating your chinny chin chin maybe only then you would finally realize I am a one woman monsoon you'd never be able to tame. Inwardly I smile, cool as 21st century humming calmly.The truth of me and who I AM, backing away you finally snap awake from your Don Juan pose realizing I am not going to join your stable of weak and helpless mares. Breaking me in an impossibility. So, how do like me now?
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12:28 PM - Writings. Negative comments will be ignored. Live with it.
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It's not a battle. We're not enemies. No one's hiding in the trees. No one's got spiked poles, bombs or any of that. It's not a matter of winning. There will never be a finale you can evaluate. And when he kills himself, don't say he was lost. The depression is a living and changing part of you. I'm not saying take the pills so it will deaden and loosen its grip.The guts are pulsating with incorrect chemicals or a weakness of resolve. It's not a contest of wills. When he walked by, I thought maybe tomorrow I would ask him about or tell him about he was one among many in the unhappy halls, but that was his Special Day, I learned once and for all. We are so entirely powerless to help one another in this fashion. I would rather make a big fool of myself than live with those questions. Rather be thought an intrusive, ridiculous idiot than feel the silence when someone is gone; "too young" and all that regretful verbiage stowed as deep as it feels. When you see the mother, the sister, the weeping and everyone stuffed and overflowed the Catholic church in the Fall, it's entirely WRONG. We came together, what could have been a wedding, but instead to celebrate the entire culture's future to take care of its own. Maybe it feels better to say he lost the battle. But you can go fuck yourself.
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Thursday March 06, 08
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01:53 AM - I Know Very Well How I Got My Name
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I WAS "yesiamkali" but have officially changed it to- iamkali62 (yes, the year of my birth.) Just wanted to clear up any confusion. Mahalo.
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Wednesday March 05, 08
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03:24 PM - Just Random Scribblings...
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While you are praying for a Lamborghini,in Gallardo a little girl on the West Side is crying herself to sleep because her mama is on crack and her daddy forgot to bring home the green chile cheeseburgers. While you are praying to Jesus for a jackpot win at the casino a boy who is almost a man but not quite is going down in a hail of bullets screaming for his madre as the blood spurts out lending color to the white sidewalk. While you were praying to Jesus for a yacht, an old woman is stealing bread from Wal-Mart because she has lived in the desert for sixty years and she knows better than to expect her ship to come in. While you are praying to Jesus he is gorging himself on sopapillas and honey because he is sick of your shit and he is closed for business. Finis. (yeah, these are things I sometimes think about.Enjoy.
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