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Sunday October 18, 09
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08:15 AM - women, i've ceased judging you...
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From Teacher in El Paso to Chatty here in San Antonio, if, in spite of your better judgment, you keep pursuing fruitless relationships, I will understand...
Maybe it's typical to see the world through your own spectacles, but suddenly, relationships with the wrong man seem to be in vogue.
Having been in their spot, one of the tell-tale signs that you are wasting your time is if you are too embarrassed to talk about your man.
It is absolutely true. I don't care if he's acting like your friend again, that the two of you had a lovely time last night, and he told you personal stories about his pet dog spot. If you can't mention him to anybody, you know exactly where all of this is going.
Take Chatty, the gal who I tried to unsuccessfully spur into dating the military guy. He is 40 years old. He is attractive, is in law school, just retired from the military, and appears to be a nice guy.
Well, maybe I told this story here, but they hung out quite a bit, and quite often. They spent hours together, and he would text her and tell her what a great time he had the night before. Anyway, he flakes out and tells her that he can only be her friend because of their age difference and because he has been chasing this other lady for 16 years.
Things blow up. There is a text message war. She doesn't see him all summer. Then, they go back to school, and what does he do?
That's right: He just doesn't let it drop.
He wants to be her "friend" again and keeps sending messages saying that he wants to talk to her. I assume over the process of this that she develops hope that he will actually progress beyond being "a friend"...I mean, after all, why would he bother so much if he wasn't interested, right?
Well, they go back to square one. She apparently sends another ultimatum. Then, one night, he sends her an incredibly long email which was apparently super mean and tells her that she has "attachment issues" and so forth.
But what does he do a few days after he sends this email? He tries to talk to her again!
I can see how the wheels are working in her mind. "He wouldn't bother sending me that if he didn't like me!"
Having been in her spot, I told her truthfully, "you can have this guy back in your life and nurture some sort of hope, but at what personal cost to you?"
And when all of this stuff was being rekindled, I hadn't heard a goddamn thing about it. I found it weird that she just sort of disappeared, and I almost took it personally, but now I understand.
I'm not saying that because I'm some wizened individual, or that I've proved my activities to be what all women should follow. But I can predict with almost certainty that within a month or two that things will be back at square one. They see too much of each other since they go to the same school together. I'm just lucky that my problem child is moving back to Dallas.
I don't know how to describe them. You almost wonder what is mentally wrong with them if they are completely insistent on creating incredibly unhappy women. However, Military Guy told her friend that he was just going to keep it on the middle ground and ride the situation out until her feelings "became an issue."
As if they weren't already an issue!
In my situation, I think the true "beginning of the end" in terms of him pulling away from me was the day after the bar exam.
I drove my car to meet them at a bar. He didn't offer to come pick me up. All the while, he made it sound like he wasn't going to do much celebrating because he was going to pick up his son the next day.
After we were at that bar, everybody moved to the "official" site of the celebration. I asked where it was. Instead of getting a straight answer, he offered me a ride over. I particularly didn't care for that because I don't like leaving my car anywhere, but I thought, "OK."
We got to the bar, and then a short while later, he hands me HIS keys and then gets completely wasted.
Yes, I got to be a designated driver after I too had taken the bar.
It was OK in some respects because I was done drinking, but I was also stuck there. We were close to leaving, but somebody offered to buy us a round. I declined, but he partook of another. All the while, I became angrier and angrier. I was tired, hadn't had any supper, and, in spite of his big talk, was getting completely trashed.
He was so trashed that when we finally got to my house (I obviously couldn't drive him back to pick up my car) that he laid down on my futon and immediately went to sleep. He was so drunk that he didn't even open it out so that I could lay next to him, and so I slept in my own room.
I laid awake the rest of the night in complete anger.
The next morning, I went into the living room. He then opened his eyes and could tell that I was angry. Then, at some point, he goes into his old chestnut of bitching about his ex.
The guy is completely obsessed about complaining about his ex. Finally having enough, I said, "we're not going to talk about that today."
After all, that's what I want to hear about, right? After he sucked the life out of the festivities, he wanted to sit there and obsess about how his baby mama has done him wrong in life.
I wanted him to think about ME for a change. I don't care if he thought about her as the spawn of Satan. The fact that the majority of his thoughts revolved around her meant that there was absolutely no space for me in that peanut of a brain of his. Sure enough, he seemed like he was more interested in engaging in activities that would prove that he was a better individual than she was than he was in trying to make me happy. I guess that my role in all of this was to sit there with a measuring stick and see who came out on top.
Yes, people like that imagine that everybody else is keeping score on their relationship....and it explains a lot about how guys end up with women who will help hide their new boyfriend from the child support people. They probably sit around at home and keep score.
"Yeah, she is such a bitch!"
Yep, thus fulfilling the guy's belief that the Lord Above has a score board.
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