What’s the best way to buffet? By stuffing your already over-salted, over-fatty, over-sized body with all the other foods that make you forget you just lost your job! With nearly 100 tempting ways to achieve indigestion, try what you want when you want. Our buffet is a great place to suck up other people's germs.
What to Expect (And We Don't Mean High Blood Pressure!)
Our price is all-inclusive except for the price of your inevitable stomach-stapling!*
You can begin to eat as soon as you are seated-- in fact, you can eat the chair, too!
Use your cashier's slip to reserve your table while you’re at the buffet or straining in agony over the toilet in any of our air-conditioned restrooms.
Take a clean plate so no one sees the vegetables you stashed under the spare-rib bones.
For safety reasons, children under 10 should be accompanied at the buffet or else they may be eaten by unscrupulous patrons.
To help us maintain our low prices, we ask that you not take food from the restaurant or sue us for the six thousand different kinds of bacteria, 5-7% of which may be fatal, that you will ingest during your dining experience.
Gratuities are sincerely appreciated by our service staff but they will make fun of you after you leave.
Whether it's extra gravy on your Twinkie or if you just need a good "Heimlich hug", if you require any help, just ask!
It's Easy to Buffet! Finding A Good Parking Spot Is The Hard Part!
Just follow a few simple steps:
Step one: Pay the cashier when you come in. Nothing is free, walrus face. Step two: Find a table or ask for help in finding one in case you're as dumb as you appear. Step three: Head to the buffet and start elbowing the old ladies out of the way! Step four: Enjoy a "wide" variety of "super sized" selections and "hefty" beverages. Step five: Turn over your cashier's slip when you are finished, then ring the bell for gurney-service to your car.
Exploring the Buffet
Choose what you want, in any order, as though life hasn't already boxed you into a narrow depressing existence of helpless slavery.
Try something new! Take a bite, and if you don’t like it, drop it back in the tray and nibble something else.
“Substitutions” are always allowed at our buffet because it all looks the same under that mold. Roast beef with a side of baked fish? Go ahead! "Fried grease-loaf"? Enjoy! Your neighbor's expelled phlegm? Mmmm!
Create your own masterpiece. About sixteen days from now your next stool will look like an early Jackson Pollack with our wide variety of reheated "foodstuffs"!
On a diet? No problem! A common misperception is that the only way to enjoy a buffet is to eat a lot of not-so-healthy food. Well, at our restaurants that's simply not true. By discarding your plates each trip to the buffet you make, you can pretend that you haven't touched a bite of food since yesterday, when you pigged out on the Entenmann's! Even our desserts include sugar-free choices for your special dietary needs so your pussy cousin won't ruin dinner like he did the other night at Burger King. Choices like these can help make eating smart a whole lot easier — and more enjoyable. Only twelve giant mouthfuls of Bangkok public pool water are less healthy for you than a night at our buffet!