By Olivia Buxton
Born Steven Patrick Morrissey in Lancashire in 1959, the frequently outspoken former Smiths frontman, singer and author turns 58 tomorrow. His bookish song lyrics were hailed as the finest in rock music, yet his novel ‘List Of The Lost’ won the ‘Bad Sex In Fiction’ award in 2015.
What is your earliest memory?
Being carried on my mother’s shoulders… up and down the living room… nothing’s changed since then.
What sort of child were you?
Perfect in every way.
What is the worst thing anyone has ever said to you?
A journalist told me that my audience is identical to Barry Manilow’s. This was bone-chilling to hear. I left the room.
Who would like to say sorry to and why?
Myself. I put myself through torture. One cancelled show and I lower my face on to a hot stove for six weeks.
Last row you had?
I once sat on the next table to Judge Judy, and for three solid hours she would not stop talking. The woman sitting with her contributed one or two umms, but Judge Rude-y could not shut up. I was ready to ram her face into her own spaghetti.
Tell us a secret about yourself
I have never had a cup of coffee in my entire life. That’s exciting, isn’t it?
What one law would you change?
All meat products should have a MEAT KILLS government health warning because meat production kills the consumer, kills the planet, kills animals. So why is it legal? Since meat causes more damage than tobacco, why only a health warning on tobacco?
Which words or phrases do you overuse?
Finishing a sentence with ‘and so on’ when in fact there’s nothing else to add.
Have you ever cheated death?
Who would play you in a film of your life?
I cannot be replicated.
What is the worst job you’ve done?
I was a filing clerk for the Inland Revenue for a few weeks. I ought to have been put to death for that.
What is your worst habit?
I side with anyone who takes the most cynical view.
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
I know every episode of The Big Valley (1965-69) line by line. It isn’t helpful.
If you could go back in time, where would you go?
London’s East End of 1888. The anonymity fascinates me, the rolling fog, the narrow turnings, the prospect of sudden death, a knees-up at The Old King’s Vomit…
When was the last time you cried?
What’s the one thing every man should know about women?
Whether male or female, there is always a flaw in the manufacturing.
Who would your dream dinner date be?
I’ve never been on a date, so I’m not even sure what one is.
What’s one skill everyone should have?
The ability to listen. Judge Judy does not have this… which is why she’s a judge.
What’s the worst pain you’ve experienced?
Being a teenager in Seventies Manchester.
Have you ever had a nickname?
I wasn’t ever popular enough to have a nickname.
What song do you want at your funeral?
Please Don’t Talk About Me When I’m Gone by Ethel Waters.
What’s the best kiss you’ve had?
What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever had?
‘You don’t project very well as a TV interview.’ I knew it was true.
Additional questions from the print edition:
LAST FILM YOU SAW?
Mystic River... it flowed nicely.
LAST BOOK YOU READ?
Poor Folk by Fyodor Dostoyvesky. Obviously I didn't understand a word of it.
LAST GIG YOU WENT TO?
Dick Gregory [the US civil rights activist], but he was a a bit grumpy. He likes to put people in their place. I don't have one.
LAST TV SHOW YOU LOVED?
Additional question posted on Jesse's Twitter (link posted by Famous When Dead) and Mando's wife's Instagram (source}:
A message from #Morrissey... Although the Daily Mail in London printed a q&a with Morrissey yesterday they refused to print the following response:
Mail: Which person do you most dislike?
Morrissey: Theresa May for saying "I fully support fox-hunting." She doesn't realize that foxes are mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters.
Related Forum Threads
- Inside the head of... Morrissey - Daily Mail - Morrissey-solo (May 21, 2017)