Mr Shandy and myself have not always trod the straight and legal narrow - far from it (it's legal now, so nither mind). AND YET, there have been times, in our wilder youths and in our disgruntled MIDDLE ages, when we have erred. Oh yes, there has been a lot of erring, I can tell you.
SO, you must picture the scene: Minshull Street Crown Court, April 1995, Mr Shandy ARRAIGNED before the beasts of the bench for what now seems like a minor infraction involving recreational chemical sex enhancers, £3,000 in used fivers and an off-duty plod with a GRUDGE THE SIZE OF VENUS.
Would he? Dare he? The moment had come to decide between a quick fine and a branding iron on the wrist or to PUSH the dreadful misunderstanding further up the fundamentals of the British legal system. Mr Shandy, nervous yet composed. Myself, fluttering a 'kerchief in the public gallery. Mr Shandy rose to his feet and addressed the court in his best Gorton baritone - a Wilde for Shudehill if ever there was one - and announced: 'I CHANGE MY PLEA TO GUILTY'. I was so moved, I tell you.
Fined £300, 100 hours community service and a mention in the Manchester Evening News.
Bastards.