The topic of holding and touch

[CrystalGeezer]

Seems to be a theme in Morrissey music. Why not?

I'll start. I am single and have been for awhile. I do this thing where I kind of hug myself, it's nice. I can hug myself whenever I need it and for however long. But I also do this thing where I imagine being in a real relationship and asking my mate to hold me at the drop of a hat. He's reading in bed, I go in for a hold. He's putzing in the kitchen, I sneak attack and cling from behind. Sometimes it can be the silliest thing that sets off the need, like the way the light streams through a window or a memory of something unpleasant and I just feel a need to hug it out. I feel like I want a clause in the relationship that asks "Will you hold me if I ask you to?" Then I step back from that thought and think "OMG I bet I'm one of those clingy, needy, irritating girls." But it's more complex than that, there's like a little person in me that gets scared and a hug helps. In my experience, and I was with an emotionally destructive man, I'd ask for a hug and would be met with "WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU!!!" but in my dreams, that maybe isn't normal. So I daydream of finding someone who is equally clingy and would get that need. I mean I'm not dumb, I wouldn't go in for a hug while he's pooping or super tired, but to me the ultimate heaven is access to touch and reaffiming that you are needed, with someone warm and soft, and real.


What are your experieces with touch? Do you like a lot of it? Not so much? If this thread dies I will be so embarrassed.

 

[Iona Mink]

To ensure this doesn't die, I'll contribute.

I think what you describe is a very human feeling. In fact I would hazard a guess and say everyone here (probably excluding people with certain types of autism) would recognise those traits within themselves. Touch reaffirms an affinity with another person. In fact it is often taught that if you want someone to warm to you, a light touch on their arm is a powerful body language gesture.

What isn't normal is to receive the response "WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU!!!". I'm glad to hear you got away from him.

From what you describe you don't sound particularly clingy to me. It's what's to be expected in a healthy relationship between two people.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

To ensure this doesn't die, I'll contribute.

I think what you describe is a very human feeling. In fact I would hazard a guess and say everyone here (probably excluding people with certain types of autism) would recognise those traits within themselves. Touch reaffirms an affinity with another person. In fact it is often taught that if you want someone to warm to you, a light touch on their arm is a powerful body language gesture.

What isn't normal is to receive the response "WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU!!!". I'm glad to hear you got away from him.

From what you describe you don't sound particularly clingy to me. It's what's to be expected in a healthy relationship between two people.

Whew. My family doesn't touch either, I think I've hugged my dad about twety times in my life. I asked him about this and he said his family didn't touch either, it's a strage hereditary defect, lack of nurturing.

 

[Iona Mink]

Whew. My family doesn't touch either, I think I've hugged my dad about twety times in my life. I asked him about this and he said his family didn't touch either, it's a strage hereditary defect, lack of nurturing.

Sadly, not every family is as expressive as others. Some cultures in particular are more open to expressing affection than others. It doesn't diminish the desire though. I believe that remains universal.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Sadly, not every family is as expressive as others. Some cultures in particular are more open to expressing affection than others. It doesn't diminish the desire though. I believe that remains universal.

Are you a toucher?

 

[Iona Mink]

Are you a toucher?

I come from a long line of "touchers"

You're right though, it is learnt behaviour.

Are you not? I know you said your family don't so much but what about with friends? Partners (from before? Not including the horrible man.) ? Extended family?

 

[CrystalGeezer]

I come from a long line of "touchers"

You're right though, it is learnt behaviour.

Are you not? I know you said your family don't so much but what about with friends? Partners (from before? Not including the horrible man.) ? Extended family?

Ummmmmmm, everyone aroud me is and has always been weird. Not a lot of touch happening. I have one friend who is super touchy, but it's so exaggerated in a way it's more like a cartoon and less like affection, hard to describe. It feels wrong. Despite the lack of touch I desire it, ohhhhhh how I desire it.

 

[CrushingBore]

Although I remember that I felt a certain need for human touch in the past, it has somehow vanished with time and I don't really miss it, but sometimes I'd like to hold somebody's hand.

 

[Skylarker]

I can't stand physical contact; especially with strangers...it makes me really uncomfortable even to bump into somebody or brush against them; I hate it.

With affectionate touch, or romantic touch...if I remember correctly, any pleasurable sensation I get from it is cancelled out by extreme nervousness and self-consciousness. If I do the touching I am always thinking, "am I doing this correctly?" and if the other person does the touching I keep wondering how bored or disgusted they are.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Although I remember that I felt a certain need for human touch in the past, it has somehow vanished with time and I don't really miss it, but sometimes I'd like to hold somebody's hand.

The lovliest post of the day.

I can't stand physical contact; especially with strangers...it makes me really uncomfortable even to bump into somebody or brush against them; I hate it.

With affectionate touch, or romantic touch...if I remember correctly, any pleasurable sensation I get from it is cancelled out by extreme nervousness and self-consciousness. If I do the touching I am always thinking, "am I doing this correctly?" and if the other person does the touching I keep wondering how bored or disgusted they are.

I agree with the strangers thing unless it's someone that I put my trust into, like getting a pedicure. For the 20 minutes my foot is in the hands of the Vietnamese lady at the nail salon, I am in a strange sort of imaginary heaven. Or if I brush past a guy at the grocery store and there's a certain knowing look, I love that. I can identify with the nervousness thing too, I guess it's best to have your lovers be not particularly judgey so you can let loose and not worry about that shit. I know this stuff can happen because I've seen it in movies.

 

[CrushingBore]

The lovliest post of the day.

You're being sweet